Scratchman

The door squealed noisily back on its hinges as I entered the room. The semi-circle of faces within all turned to me with accusing eyes as I nervously made my way to the one unoccupied chair. As I sat, with my head sheepishly gazing at my feet, I heard a voice say, “okay, I think we’re all here now, so as is customary, shall we start with our newest attendee?”

I looked up to see everyone staring eagerly at me.

With legs wobbling like a day-old blancmange, I nervously nodded and rose to my feet.

“H…. hello everyone,” I stuttered. The silence was palpable. I looked down at the floor again.

“Take your time,” said the bodiless voice.

I cleared my throat and with a sudden surge of bravado I blurted it out.

“Hello everyone, my name is Brian and I am a Doctor Who fan”

The applause was deafening………………………………………….

 

Yes folks, confession time. I AM a Doctor Who fan. There. I’ve said it now. Luckily, I’ve made this statement on my own blog, so no-one will read it anyway!

I think it’s fair to say that back in the late 70s and early 80s, and certainly during my school days, such a confession would have got me beaten up in the playground. There is still a stigma attached to “being a fan” of Doctor Who, and for other genre shows too, to be honest, however, I think that the reboot of the show in 2005 with Christopher Eccleston and the subsequent brilliant regeneration into the excellent David Tennant did bring it some credibility in the modern world. And Jodie Whittaker is just “fantastic”, as number 9 would say (little in joke for any whovians that may have stumbled on here by mistake!)

But back to the 70s. It was around 73/74 when this then 6-year-old boy gained his first female crush…. The Doctor’s assistant Jo Grant, a.k.a Katy Manning. Jon Pertwee was the Doctor and I was immediately hooked on his famous Venusian Aikido moves, flamboyant character, Bessie his car, and the Whomobile. This weird man with white hair and velvet jackets, with his gorgeous blonde sidekick, fighting monsters and aliens and supported by a secret division of the British Army – what’s not to love?

Then along came Tom Baker. Tom Baker IS the Doctor in my opinion. He is the template by which, for me, all subsequent Doctors’ need to defer to. His incarnation/regeneration cemented my love of the show which continues to this day. I’m not the obsessive I was back then, (although I still have a Tom Baker/Who Action figure, Target Novels, back issues of Doctor Who Weekly, poster of Jo Grant posing naked with a Dalek……ahem!) but I still enjoy watching it and have fond memories of my childhood attached to it.

So….it was inevitable that when Tom wrote a novel based on his abandoned Doctor Who film proposal, surely it was a given that it was a book I just had to buy, right? Too right….

Back in the 70s, Tom and his co-star Ian Marter, who played one of his companions Harry Sullivan, developed a script for a potential big screen Doctor Who adventure. Sadly, the project never got off the ground and the script became lost until 2006 when it was discovered by the British Film Institute. Cutting a long story short, we (time) jump to 2019 and Tom, along with writer James Goss has adapted the script into a novel, thus Doctor Who: Scratchman is re-born (should have said re-generated, damnit!!)

Let me say from the start that Scratchman is utterly bonkers. It is so audaciously 70s in atmosphere and tone, and 100% Tom Baker through and through. Unusually for a Doctor Who novel it is written in the first person, which is where it gets a bit weird. This is Tom Baker, writing as Doctor Who, but sounding just like Tom Baker. He also flits between first person and third person, implying that the Doctor knows what other characters are doing, saying and thinking without him actually being in that particular scene at that time. Probably not an award winning literary style, but hey, it’s Tom so he can get away with it. And to be fair, he does.

You cannot read Scratchman without doing so in Toms’ gloriously rich tone. This is a true 1970s Doctor Who adventure, including the wonderful Sarah Jane Smith and hapless Harry Sullivan joining him as his companions. The crew land on a remote Scottish island which quickly becomes over-run by murderous scarecrows. After facing them through a series of typical Who style and “terribly British” set pieces, it soon becomes evident that the scarecrows are the least of the Doctors problems, as part two of the book then descends into what can only be described as sheer, unadulterated, drug-induced hokum, as the Doctor comes face to face with Scratchman, a Devil incarnate who throws him and his companions into a range of mind-bogglingly and completely off the wall situations which could only come from the mind of Mr Baker himself. Seriously, if Tom was not drunk, high on medication or sniffing something when he wrote this, then he should start bottling his brain cells for posterity or start marketing his DNA – it’s psychedelic stuff!

Aside from this however, there is a genuine love and warmth for the character and the show radiating from every page. Die-hard fans will love the nods that Tom gives to past and present incarnations of the Doctor, as well as some of his adversaries. The characters of Sarah Jane and Harry are lovingly and accurately portrayed, and the inclusion of anecdotal interviews with Tom and Ian about the original Scratchman concept may bring a lump to the throat.

Whilst its appeal to long term Who fans is apparent, there is still enough in Scratchman to also cater to those with a passing interest in the series, and for any science fiction fan overall. There is a hint of the madcap 1970s sci-fi of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and The New Avengers and even the outlandishness of The Goodies about it, along with a touch of the slightly more modern Red Dwarf. It is gloriously ridiculous, terribly British and truly reflective of the national treasure that is Mr Tom Baker.  Scratchman will help you escape this current “Groundhog Day” world we currently live in and transport you to somewhere you would never even begin to imagine. Or would probably want to!

Scratchman is published by BBC Books and available in all formats. The audiobook is read by Tom Baker himself so I should imagine that being an immersive and somewhat hallucinatory experience!